did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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