Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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