Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize