She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
