well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
