New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
