chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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