So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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