when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
