drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
God I need to hump something, right now.
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