i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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