when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize