he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
