my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
