He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
