Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
