Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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