Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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