we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
