the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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