She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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