im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's get the cat blown out
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