just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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