just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
