Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
