Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
