Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
