It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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