The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
