I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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