i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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