hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
