im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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