Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
