So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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