This is not my ceiling
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize