Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
