the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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