I just saw a hot homeless man
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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