Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
