Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
