We won't sleep together?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
