I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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