Small penises have feelings too.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize