he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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