when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
