OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
