Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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