So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
