I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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