I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
