If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Small penises have feelings too.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
