So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
