Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
