Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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