My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
