i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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