Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
