I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
