I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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