So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
