i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just want nice things and good sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
