My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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