Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
