is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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