toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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