I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
